I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
Apparently they shut down a cook out cause people were selling drugsout the drive thru. Nice to be home
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Like I'm sorry but "it'll be fine trust me" IS NOT VERY REASSURING ASSHAT. Now take off your pants.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
I was literally so lonely last night that I stopped watching a video on porn hub and just read the comments
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