why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
She's just so happy...and so naked.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Let the record show that I hate your ass.
Randomize
