she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
So for Valentine's Day...I finally swallowed. I feel like I earned that steak.
I just puked on my dog.I feel summer coming on
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Now go wash the fat girl off your hands.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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