About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
That moment when a stripper is the one that makes the two of you have to define the status of your relationship...
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
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