He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Just accidentally flashed my junk to the lady helping me try on suits, it was cold in there, I don't think she was impressed.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
Randomize
