just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
His hands were made for my vagina.
Two grown ass men just come into the bar riding humongous tricyles
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
I've been trying to fall asleep with ice packs covering my vagina for the last hour... Sorry for being vulgar. I'm going to kill myself.
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