I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
She wore that goddamn strap-on all night. When she was playing guitar hero it kept getting in the way but she just wouldn't take it off.
You were hanging upside down on the subway with your feet in the stirrup handle bars. the children were amused.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
i have an important question...can you drink in jail?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
we should paint friendship bongs
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
