If it was for sex do you really think i would asking for a mass vote? I'm like fidel castro when it comes to sex. No public approval needed.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
You're sure you don't want to come? I'm pretty sure there is going to be "Pin the Tail on the Baby".
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
WHY AM I THE ONLY ONE CONCERNED ABOUT THE SEAGULL IN THE OVEN
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
