I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
It was all about her orgasm last night. I felt like a human dildo.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
Who cheats on Christmas eve? It's just asking for Jesus to hate you
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
Use "feeling words"
Yay
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
Randomize
