stupid gm bankruptcy made me miss the showcase showdown
Those cock suckers. We need to know who's winning the hot tub and the vacation to the alps
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
This morning he fucked me while I was brushing my teeth. So I kept brushing as he thrusted. Then I brushed his teeth with my toothbrush while he was still in me. So hygienic.
It's like "hey I give your roommate blowjobs twice a week, want to connect on LinkedIn?"
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
We had sex then laid in his bed eating chocolate and drinking juice boxes. I think I'm going to keep him around.
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