I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
You tried to fight someone about spaghetti o’s?
That hungover.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Randomize
