It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
I think she would actually eat a penis if anyone was brave enough to let one near her mouth
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Couldn't finish, so she gave me "the tap," and I had to leave the mound early. Nothing worse than the long walk back after the manager comes out and asks for the ball.
Nothing showshows the government the middle finger more than spending your tax refund on drugs
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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