Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
How festive
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
If you're signed up as "sober sister" can you do cocaine or nah
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Randomize
