So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Randomize
