Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
Well his dad was his wingman, so I had to fuck him. I didnt want his dad to think that he was doing a bad job and I was drunk enough to think he was doing a good job.
Score one for dad.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
Randomize
