it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
Nick just found a baggie of 3 year old shrooms in his desk drawer and downed it all with cheap white wine. I am not on vomit duty tonight.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
I just woke up in his house on his bathroom floor with an IV in my arm.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
the liver wants what the liver wants
I have lots of feelings today, but drunk is my favorite.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
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