cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
