And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
you kept screaming i cant feel my vagina, it kinda killed the mood.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
But the ghost of his schlong past haunts you
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Just waxed 95% of the hair off my vag. If he doesn't enjoy this tonight, you will, whether you like it or not.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Randomize
