dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
check it out our google latitudes are spooning
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Then you ran outside and said you were gonna give the snowman a blowjob
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Randomize
