New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
like I'd leave you in a situation like that..pfft. what kinda friend do you think I am?
...a stoned one.
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
