last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Umm went to talk to a client ended up seeing his semi erect penis. This is my life.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
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