oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I just walked in on my lesbian roommate having sex in the kitchen, and it was awesome. We proceeded to shots naked together. Happy birthday to me.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Walked into the bathroom and saw a Minion eating out Harley Quinn so this Halloween will be hard to top.
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
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