Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
Puked in a cab. Passed out on my floor an my mom put a blanket over me. Home by 1045. I won shitshow trophy last night.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If there is a god, you will have pink eye tomorrow.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
he fucked me wearing a cowboy hat and made grits after
We call him Texas for a reason.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I HATE BEING THIS HIGH FML IT'S LIKE I'M MAKING UP FOR ALL THE 4:20S I DIDNT DO ALL AT ONCE
Randomize
