Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
tried doing a cartwheel after 10 beers. Guess who has a dislocated shoulder.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
Topless bubble bath with a lesbian is debatable as a gay experience.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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