haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i told him to take shots to cure a hangover and he told me i was "walking the steppingstones to alcoholism"
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Thanks i'm proud of you and I'm proud of beer and vodka for making me drunk
It was awful. Mid hookup he started reading the titles of the books over my bed, which were about Russian imperial history. He then started asking me questions about the class I was reading the books for. I was like "WE HAVE TIME FOR THAT LATER, PLEASE CONTINUE."
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
So if her brother fucks my brother, can I just tell her that anal sex is in her genes?
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
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