i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
i ordered 6 shots "to go" what did you think was going to happen!
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
TSA found the edibles
Fuck
Oh my god he just. Swiped them for explosives and handed them back to me
God bless California
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
