Thanks for last night it was amazing as always
What are you talking about
You've got to be kidding me
i hate that site..its like every vagina you dont wanna see
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Just remembered someone sprayed perfume in my mouth last night after convincing me it was vodka and that i tried to herd ducks around campus and bring one home.
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
