So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
im celebrating the fact lent is over and i can give blow jobs again.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
Just started taking liver support pills. Welcome to Senior year.
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
