it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Randomize
