So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
Seriously why is the deadbolt locked. This is the second time I'm having to sleep on the porch using my boots as my pillow. I can't wait till the next time your drunk.
Shhh, I'm sleeping. Just let it happen Jess.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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