If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
I'm in that akward stage between jailbait and cougar
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
OMG I COULD FUCK HIM FOR POT, THIS CHANGES THE WHOLE GAME.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
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