dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
There were slices of bread pasted to the wall with peanut butter this morning. I don't want to know
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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