Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
I know, but I was really high and I felt like a failure dragon because I could only blow smoke, no fire.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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