just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
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