I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
I can only name 15 people I've had sex with - can I just start claiming that as my sex number?
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I fill condoms, not promises.
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
Only in this town do you have a bridesmaid shortage due to pregnancies.
Omg I joined a choir last night...
Randomize
