i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Boys can't fool me. I know "want to come up and meet my dogs?" is just a nondirect way of saying "come up and meet my penis".
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
Can you fuck me on the kitchen counter at some point? I'll lysol it after
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
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