apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Randomize
