the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
Noo not in a booty call way, in a 'How are your abs and penis doing today?' sort of way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
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