with your own penis?
i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I feel like death gave me a hand job
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
