you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
What if we had a smart house and we could just say "baked" and it would rain donuts?
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
SINCE WHEN WAS USING A FROZEN WATER BOTTLE ATTACHED TO A ROPE AS A THROWING WEAPON A GOOD IDEA??
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
It's one of those "I can't stand you but we're stuck in the same hotel room tonight so let's fuck until one of us passes out" kind of nights.
Hey.... can you explain to me why when I woke up this morning my cell phone background had been changed to me getting a piggy back ride from a drag queen?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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