he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Randomize
