So I'm banging this nun...
Isn't that how all good stories start? I like it already...
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
This is davidson friend mat i an drunk. Thank you for having a physical relationship. With David. I bet he gas a penis the size of an elephant tusk. You are a lucky lady.
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Text me some of your sweat
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
Randomize
