After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Did you just correct my spelling of a made up word?
No, I just was using your word in plural form
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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