Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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