I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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