Last night I had a dream we played Uno and had sex. You won at Uno, but you lost at sex.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
are you excited because you wanna see me or because you wanna get laid?
bc i get to see you. naked.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
I'm not making any promises. But if I start throwing food at you, just go with it.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
cassie wtf are you alive??! no one has seen you for like seven hours whereeee did you go
IS IT POSSIBLE FOR A GUY TO NOT HAVE BALLS
I have a lot of questions this morning, most of them start with "Did I..."
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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