I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
look out your window.... he's holding his iphone up like a boombox playing you beach boys
It's my birthday, I plan on masturbating and boating, maybe even masturbate on the boat.
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
Randomize
