when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
I just wnated to let you know that I laminated my history notes so i can study in the shower.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
Every time a song comes on I get sad if glee has not a cover of it
We drank a $4 handle of tequila until 5 am. Please think about that.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
There is a 15" subwoofer mounted inside our fridge. I've never been more proud of myself.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
Randomize
