so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
We've been broken up for 7 months. His mom sent me a card with a brochure inside titled "How at Risk for STD's are you?"
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Almost to my house to grab beer. And pants.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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