By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Spotted: woman loading franzia into a toddler-sized shopping cart for her child to push. Beautiful.
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
We hooked up. It felt slightly wrong considering he is my foreign exchange student but there's a reason America imports. Foreigners got the goods.
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Randomize
