I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
His body is just chiseled out of sex. I would let that man do anything to my body. Including fuck me while my parents watch
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
I yield to the immortal wisdom of one ludacris, who famously wrote, "can't turn a hoe in to a housewife." Indeed, ludacris, indeed.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
