I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
then he tried to convert me to islam
the water pistols in the freezer are full of voddka.
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It feels like a bunch of leprechauns are using my brain as a soccer ball
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Randomize
